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Joke of the Day

"[interrogation] ""Where were u on the nite of the 5th?"" Stabbing a guy. ""Louder for the tape."" [leans in] Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie."

"What do you call a deer with no eye? No eye deer"

"Me? Yes, of course I have feelings! Last Sunday, for example, I dropped a piece of bacon on the floor. I just stared and cried for 18 mins"

"Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???"

"A drummer trips and falls on a sheep, a candy brand, and then a running faucet *Baa Dum tss*"

"Did you hear about the Irishman that was attacked by a carpenter? I heard he was hammered"

"My girlfriend and I broke up over astrology. She's a Taurus, but I don't believe in bullshit."

"What kind of pennies come from Japan? Jap-pennies"

"british people say ""maths"" instead of math because they are big nerds who cannot be satisfied by a single math"

"Iguana... tap it, but I have a reptile dysfunction."