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Joke of the Day

"A stamp collector walks into a bar... He walks up to the hostess and says, ""You're more beautiful than any stamp in my collection"" She replied, ""Philately will get you nowhere."""

"Runs with scissors Gets hit by bus"

"What distance say when velocity fell on top of him? Ow, this really hertz."

"british people say ""maths"" instead of math because they are big nerds who cannot be satisfied by a single math"

"Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait...."

"""You fancy my best friend, don't you?"" asked my wife. ""If given the choice..."" I replied, ""I'd rather have sex with you then her."" ""You mean 'than'."" ""No."""

"Why did the otter want to work at NASA? So he could go to Otter Space."

"good news Craig, we got your murder charge bumped down to theft. just tell us why you stole that dude's blood/bones"

"Life without you is like FACEBOOK without friends, YOUTUBE without videos and GOOGLE with no results..."

"HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: ... ME: I assume we need to talk longer now."