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Joke of the Day

"HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: ... ME: I assume we need to talk longer now."

"Inside everybody there's a still, small voice seeking to guide them on their journey through life. It was put there by the CIA."

"What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted."

"A fun thing to do is to tell a complete stranger that you met your boyfriend on Twitter and then show them a cat."

"Sad to think this is the tallest I'll ever be, barring some kind of awesome mutation."

"A woman just asked me what 'mansplaining' is. I think it's a trap. We've been staring at each other in silence for nearly an hour now."

"We got your viagra A man walks into a pharmacy to pick up some prescription drugs. The pharmacist says: ""oh, we got your viagra!"" The man replies: ""I don't give a fuck anymore"""

"What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A Quarter Pounder with cheese."

"Whenever I have sex, it's always a race to see who cums first.... Me or the police."

"Why did Boba Fett work alone? Because he was hunting Solo."