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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It's pasteurized before you can even see it."

"I was reading a book on antigravity. I couldn't put it down."

"What type of plant can you use to make phone calls? A telefern"

"... AND IT WORKS!!! I just invented a time travel machine..."

"A stoner plumber walks into his dealer's house and asks ""where's the shit at?"""

"I like my women like I like my Starbucks Sack off"

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just beat the walls because they are black"

"""On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge."" - my advice to new teachers"

"Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby."

"Gavin died today of heartburn. I am so sad gaviscon."