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Joke of the Day

"The good news First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."

"What did one orphan say to the other? ~~""Robin, get in the batmobile.""~~ ""Our parents are dead."""

"Mrs. Piggy Q. Why does Mrs. Piggy douche with honey? A. Because Kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork."

"I like my coffee like I like my women Cinnamon roasted, french pressed, with bit of sugar, and I'll add my own cream."

"*points to refrigerator* That makes things cold *points to stove* That makes things hot *points to self* That makes things awkward"

"A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night."

"What does your mom and a 4-stroke engine have in common? They're both usually busy doing one of the following: sucking, squeezing, banging, blowing."

"Why can't the bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired"

"The Minnesota Twins have just signed Adrian Peterson to a 3 year deal. More details to come. All we know is Adrian will be a switch hitter."