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Joke of the Day

"I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts."

"Lars asked Ole, ""Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"" ""No, I don't,"" said Ole. ""A canoe will sometimes tip,"" explained Lars."

"What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hook the other hates his book."

"Women are like electrons Always trying to latch onto some Adam for a free ride"

"YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR DOG: I'm totally cool with that. I love you. ****************** YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR CAT: Me too."

"Why was the 3 year old ethiopian kid crying He was having a mid life crisis"

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? [nsfw] I don't fuck my sandwich before I eat it. (Although they're terrible I can't help but to love dead baby jokes)"

"Why can't you hear my grandma when she's taking a piss? 'coz her pussy is hanging in the water!!"

"Woke up with a hangover to the sound of my neighbor cutting the grass. He can cut around me, I'm not movin'."

"Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans."