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Joke of the Day

"Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone's battery."

"Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""We don't serve bacteria here."" And the bacteria says, *""But we work here. We're staph.""*"

"What did the carpenters call their brass quartet? The Tuba Four"

"I used to work at an orange juice factory... ...I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate."

"I RT a bunch of awesome stuff. nnBecause its funny. And I needed to hide my tweets from last night."

"If Rapunzel was a brunette, she'd have just opened the front door."

"Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference"

"A south-African and a north-African has a bet about who can hit the ground first from a skyscraper. Who wins? Society."

"It seems like every time I consider arson, the price of gas goes up."

"What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? Both looking for a tight seal."