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Joke of the Day

"I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach... I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner."

"What if all DJs decided at once to stop using the infamous air horn sound effect and started using the sound of an old man climbing stairs?"

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come onto a boy's face until he's 13."

"Aren't you glad you no longer have that ""Call Me Maybe"" song in your head? Oops. Sorry. #SoCallMeMaybe!"

"Graduations are so immature You can hardly get to the end without name calling"

"The Jews may be the ""Chosen People""... ... But the Muslims are the ""Randomly Selected""."

"I want to make an alligator joke... But I'm afraid I'll get carried away."

"Oh you're a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes. Can't believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven."

"Why does Thomas Edison hate Ubisoft Montreal Cause he didn't like AC"

"Say what you will about pedophiles but... They always support orphans, the always drive slow in school zones, they always donate to schools, they always help with homework."