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Joke of the Day

"You're right, homeless man on the subway...it is a ""clip your toenails into your McDonald's cup"" kind of morning."

"Just thought I'd let you know that I'm a chronic kleptomaniac... but don't worry, I'm taking something for it."

"saw license plate GODLSNS and am not sure whether it's God Listens or Godlessness. doin devil horns anyway"

"What's the difference between a joke and two dicks? Redditors can't take a joke."

"My bathtub is just like me. Shallow and not quite long enough."

"Years ago I tried on my sister's bra, couldn't undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I'm still wearing it. I live in shame."

"Did you hear about the couple who stole a calendar? They both got six months."

"I dont have enough money to play f2p (free to play) games because i lack the money to buy the necessary hacks to be able to compete in equal grounds."

"My therapist said that I second guess myself too much. [deleted]"

"Everyday life can be hectic and stressful, but never forget what it's all about: doing the hokey pokey and turning yourself around."