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Joke of the Day

"If you ever get cold, just go hang out in a corner... They are usually 90 degrees."

"My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting."

"I have a joke for you. /r/Jokes"

"Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn't see himself in a mirror."

"My friend told an out of place joke about police searches. But I don't think it was warranted."

"You're 16 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 3 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating crayons."

"How many magazines did the racquetball footwear company make before going out of business? Tennis shoes (Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup? It seems kinda unwieldy to me)"

"My grandma can hold her breath for over fourteen years!"

"I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick. ""Just how sick are you?"" he said. ""well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough"""

"When your kid makes a funny face, say they will stick that way, then show them the thousands of girls with duck lips on Instagram."