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Joke of the Day

"The Irishman's dilemma. Do you eat the potatoes now or do you let them ferment so you can drink them later?"

"Why is it worse this time around? Thermal cameras mean I can't save anyone by hiding them in my roof."

"The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield. Day. Made."

"Why did the blonde climb the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side."

"I just find that blunt pencils are so... ... pointless I'll find my own way out"

"Why hunt for vampires when you can just open a tuxedo shop and have them come to you? Work smarter, not harder."

"eer booze and fun!' 'Twenty-four hours in a day... twenty-four beers in a case... coincidence?"

"What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail? Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world."

"What if reddit had a currency? Would they be called creddits? ( )"

"Just learned how to masturbate. It comes in handy."