194063

Joke of the Day

"Your Honor it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow! Was it a Jersey cow? I don't know I didn't see her license plate!"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"You might as well shoot for the stars because... Best case scenario you succeed and are immediately vaporized into nothing. Worst case scenario you miss and fade into the endless void of nothing."

"My SO told me she had never heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity before today. I said, ""It's about time!"""

"What's red and has seven dents in it? Snow whites cherry."

"Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright they're grand."

"Late Night Murder What did the killer say after murdering the talk show host? ""Badam Tish"""

"thank you all for donating to my gofundme to pay for my surgery; I have decided to buy 600 playstations with the money"

"What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea? I've never had a lima bean on my chest"

"What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?"