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Joke of the Day

"You know in a video game when you kept pushing b to get through the talking part but later realized you should've read it? That's adulthood."

"JFK and Abe Lincoln were two of the greatest president of all history. I think it's because they were so Open Minded."

"A tree falls in the forest and kills a baby, whos fault is it? The lumberjack"

"Welcome to Dick's hotdogs, if you like hotdogs, you'll love dicks."

"A man goes into a bakery and asks for 99 loaves of bread... ""Why not make it a 100 loaves?"" asks the baker, to which the man responds ""who the fuck eats that much bread?!""."

"[pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators"

"What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a wall Art What do you call arms and legs on a wall Pieces of art"

"""I'm thinking of running a marathon again."" I told my friend. ""You've run a marathon before?"" she asked, with an air of admiration. I said, ""No, but I've thought about it."""

"""How's Mason doing?"" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. ""Don't you mean emo kid?"" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish."

"My Aunt Used to Drink 13's It's the Polish version of the seven & seven. Source: my dad... Not sure if he made it up or what but made me laugh."