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Joke of the Day

"I got raped by a troupe of mimes last night They performed unspeakable acts."

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I dont mind doing a 5km but I cant be fucked doing a 10km run"

"""Pornography has really damaged the way you view sex,"" exclaimed my girlfriend, ""I've had enough, I'm leaving."" I said, ""Before you go, can we fuck on the snooker table while your Grandad watches?"""

"My son can only see in shades of beige, Doctors have diagnosed him with colour-blandness."

"Why did the T-Rex's girlfriend leave him? Because he said he only loved her this much (hold out t-rex like arms) Sorry this one requires a bit of a visual, but I thought you guys might like it"

"*at casino* When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both. It will leave him speechless."

"What do you call a pig with no clothes on? Streaky bacon!"

"In all fairness, Trump can't release his tax returns At least not until Putin sends him his W2s."

"If your rape whistle doesn't work you're fucked."

"Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A. Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug."