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Joke of the Day

"""So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another"" -How I Met Your Stepmother"

"My friend gave me a balloon and told me not to pop it.. but I blew it!"

"I ain't votin' for Trump He wants to build a wall and walls are what killed Dale Earnhardt"

"Finally, after years of waiting, my book on having sex with herbs has been published. Its about fucking thyme."

"My friend recently found out that he is both gay and dyslexic... He is still in Daniel..."

"I love how all my apps shake when I go to delete one.. There all like awww shit, who's it gonna be this time"

"Googled 'how to start a fire' got 10000 matches"

"TIFU... I could've had a V8"

"What do you call an intelligent Saudi Arabian woman? Target practice"

"Just remember, you can't please everyone. So just focus on what's important, pleasing me."