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Joke of the Day

"Keep a baby with you at all times in case you need to throw it at someone who tries to arrest you."

"94% of women will preface their parallel parking with, ""I suck at parallel parking."""

"Interesting fact about myself: (1) my penis is not as long as a footlong sub (2) I'm banned from Subway"

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker? Ones a snack cracker and the others a crack snacker."

"I hate the alphabet so much... I'm thinking about burning an F or G."

"If there was a black character in Clue, the game would be called Solved."

"What is Long and narrow and becomes bigger when given a blow ? A balloon."

"Men are like placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table."

"If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who. If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom."

"What do you call a skank playing ""H.O.R.S.E?"" She missed two shots, so she's a ho. I'll leave now."