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Joke of the Day

"I remember the last thing my grandfather ever said to me before he kicked the bucket... He said ""Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"Me: hey dad, what did you do before the internet? Dad: you have thirteen bros n sisters, do the math son."

"Had a 6"" sammich from subway today, and it totally didn't fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I'm so, so sorry."

"What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena ? I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !"

"You've reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message. ""Hi it's the library. The book 'How to Steal Library Books' is now 1 week over...UH OH"""

"Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting."

"Him: I just had sex with that woman! Me: She's 60. Him: I know. Me: I Hope you used protection or you might have caught osteoporosis."

"Rhonda is my type of woman... She finishes before I do!"

"BEN AFFLECK: I'm directing a new movie and I was thinking about you for the lead role BEN AFFLECK: Well I'm obviously very flattered"

"Why is there no windows 9? Obviously 789 I would be surprised if you said something else."