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Joke of the Day

"BEN AFFLECK: I'm directing a new movie and I was thinking about you for the lead role BEN AFFLECK: Well I'm obviously very flattered"

"I tried looking up my future I saw no results"

"My Russian friends cringe everytime I tell a joke... Because in Russia line punch you."

"My iPhone keeps auto-correcting ""My iPhone keeps auto-correcting"" to "" You don't have a fucking iPhone, asshole""."

"I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my license plate before I ran down all the people I hate"

"The Socratic method of deductive reasoning walks into a bar and the bartender says ""So. What don't you want?"""

"What is a Muslim baby's first word? ""Revenge!"""

"How many dead prostitutes we need to change a lightbulb ? Certainly not three, because in my basement is still dark."

"That depressing moment when you plug your phone in your charger and hours later you realise your charger wasn't plugged in."

"What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAND EYYYYYYYYYEEE"