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Joke of the Day

"When a guy tries to talk to me while at a urinal I instantly slide over and start pissing in his urinal too. See how friendly he really is"

"Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops? Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms."

"*turns on notifications* Notifications: I have a boyfriend"

"How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me."

"I think I saw Michael J Fox in a gardening centre earlier... It was hard to tell, he had his back to the Fuchsias."

"Did you hear the amusement park was offering free bungee jumping? No strings attached!"

"My favourite punchline is in the joke I tell blind people. They never see it coming."

"What do you call a fish that stands out? Out of plaice."

"You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter."

"I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed."