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Joke of the Day

"I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up."

"What Australian city has the most cats? Purrth."

"Why didn't Edward get on the plane? Cause it was snowed-in."

"Well well well, if isn't the girl who gave me cooties in third grade..."

"PSA: Don't forget to set your cocks black this weekend"

"I made a chicken salad today. Cheeky bastard didn't even eat it."

"My girl friend enjoys S&M comedies. Usually slapsdick."

"I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos."

"I overheard a voyeur couple talk... ... about how they needed to start seeing other peepholes."

"If a tree falls in the woods, and there are no English majors around to hear it... does is lay on the ground, or lie?"