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Joke of the Day

"Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off."

"I've always lived by the motto 'work hard, play hard' But the HR department is starting to get concerned and the guys I ball with at the gym hate when I guard them"

"Why did Princess Leia spit and not swallow? Because it was Chewy"

"When I was in high school my girlfriend's dad got angry that I took her virginity. I said ""Sorry, it won't happen again."""

"My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel. I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome."

"Morpheus, what happens if I take both pills? I'll pay you for them."

"What do cows that are stoners say? 420 graze it"

"Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney wakes up the children and says ""Hey kids do you want to buy some toys?"""

"100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?"

"Her: I do. And that marks the last time she ever agreed with me."