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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley will give you any of his pixar movies except one... His SAG preview copy of Inside Out. It would be unethical for him to share that copy while it's still in theaters."

"I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice."

"If Jack helped you off the horse.. Would you help Jack off the horse?"

"I robbed a lamppost with words printed on it. It's ok, I didn't get in trouble though. You don't get karma from text posts."

"In a philosophy class... Professor: Sometimes an idiot's question is too hard for even 10 geniuses to answer. One student pipes up: No wonder I fail my tests."

"everything in the world's horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades"

"Depressed? Just imagine Ozzy Osbourne struggling to pour a giant jar of change into a Coinstar."

"I once went on a date with a playwright It was all going well, until she started making a scene"

"69 Position I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"""What are you reading?"" Great Expectations. ""Is it any good?"" It's not all I hoped for."