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Joke of the Day

"An 80's style montage of me and a dog learning to use chopsticks, and the dog progressing marginally faster"

"Why don't they have driving lessons and sex ed on the same day in Saudi Arabia? They don't want to overwork the camel."

"Damn girl, are you a math book? Girl:No, why? Because you've got so many problems."

"My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she prolly meant baking soda....but I disagree. "

"Women like you are hard to find.. My ex wanted to know if still thought of her. Quite often I said. ""Women like you are hard to find. Most of you are in state hospitals."""

"Texting for beginners: STFU = Shut the fuck up. LOL = Shut the fuck up. LMAO = Shut the fuck up. ROFL = Shut the fuck up."

"Breaking news: The world is running out of plastic. Citizens everywhere say its because of Nicki Minaj's implants."

"What does Donald have up his sleeve? A Trump card."

"My girlfriend told me all I could think about was sex... Fanny she should say that!"

"Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake."