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Joke of the Day

"Brunos are from mars, freddies are from mercury"

"What is expected from ISIS women? Blow jobs."

"The clinic asked me why I had written an incorrect blood type on my form I told them it was Typo"

"Things that don't kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming"

"My wife said I'd look good in a beard, I wasn't sure... But it grew on me!"

"I hate myself a little for this... What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! ...Nah, just kidding! *He still hasn't unwrapped his present!!!*"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his butt."

"Why cant a bike stand up by itself? It's two tired."

"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."

"Last night I poured a hot bath, lit candles and turned on the radio. Then I threw them into the bath because I'm a guy and was curious."