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Joke of the Day

"A man stormed into my barbershop, claiming he'd gotten fleas from coming here... So I checked. Just as I suspected, it was all lice."

"I told my wife 'a blowjob a day keeps the doctor away.' For Christmas she bought me better medical coverage."

"Britain will be just fine... you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup."

"How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around? This sub has officially run out of IDs."

"Women are like parking spaces.... All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one."

"When my kids get older I'm going to discourage them from drinking.This way if I need a liver I can just harvest one of theirs."

"Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting."

"tonight at the bar, ask a woman if you can buy her a drink. If she says yes, hand that lucky lady a Starbucks gift card and walk away"

"I'll never forget the first time I had sex That's because I kept the receipt!"

"Boy 1: ""How did you get that bruise on your arm?"" Boy 2: ""I ate some Easter candy."" Boy 1: ""Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."" Boy 2: ""It will if it's your big brother's candy!"""