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Joke of the Day

"Why Twitter deleted so many terrorist accounts recently? Otherwise they'd kill all the 140 characters."

"Butterfly I saw a butterfly with no wings today. I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM... it drowned"

"Sam sung a song, and PUFF! An apple materialized!"

"It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later."

"What kind of tea does an anarchist drink? Cheap generic iced tea. Because proper tea is theft."

"What's E.T. short for? He's just got little legs."

"When I die... I want to go peacefully in my sleep. Like my father. Not screaming and yelling. Like his passengers"

"Christmas lights remind me of my friends. They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright."

"Used to be I got stoned a lot, people called me a stoner. But now I'm older and my kid brother wants to get baked all the time. So what do I call him?"

"What do you call a woman with no legs? Disabled."