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Joke of the Day

"Christmas lights remind me of my friends. They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright."

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"How come Smokey the Bear doesn't have any children? Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel."
"What has little balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine."
"How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho-path."
"To my future wife: When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chilli from wendi's, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time."
"Procrastination is a dish best served eventually."
"What do you call a Hispanic midget? Paragraph. Because he's not even a full ese."
"What kind of donuts will Bruce never eat again? Krispy Kreme."
"My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years. I never knew he was a barber."
"Why did Adele cross the street? To say hello.... From the other side."