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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a pickle on sale? A sweet Dill."
Next Joke
"Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days."
"Have you heard about the guy who reanimated the dead? He made Mary Shelly roll over in her grave."
"It's actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day."
"If you show up to a job interview high and tired... You're hired!"
"I'm so glad I'm old enough to know what's bad for me and young enough to do it. "
"Life is like a dry handjob. Sometimes its painful sometimes its enjoyable most of the time its hard but mostly your just happy it keeps goin"
"What kind of country do we live in when an artist like Sia won't take advantage of the freedom to change her last name to Lateralligator?"
"""If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you-"" *interrupting* haha, he said prick"
"Sometimes I lie in bed at night, looking up at the stars and think Where the hell did the ceiling go?"