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Joke of the Day
"Sorry I missed your funeral, but in my defense, you're not coming to mine."
Next Joke
"What did one fish say to the other during the race? I'M GOING TILAPIA!!!"
"Go full Balrog on your college midterms! And do not pass."
"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley. After months of therapy I'm finally battling my Damons."
"If Oliver Stone is being a stone and Michael Bay is being a bay, then what is Anthony Weiner being? Bullied"
"Culturally no one in alaska dates in the winter. When asked why, one alaskan replied, ""We try, but its hard to break the ice."""
"Asian people, when surprised, look similar to white people who are staring into the sun"
"What do you call a retired soldier who's been blighted with mustard gas and pepper spray? A seasoned veteran"
"One time in 1997 I forgot to close my air quotes so everything I've said since then has been sarcastic"
"Bye bye Wheaties Bruce Jenner just signed a promotional contact with Quaker State. They're going to start putting his face on every quart of Tranny Fluid."