98642

Joke of the Day

"Asian people, when surprised, look similar to white people who are staring into the sun"

"What do you call someone who can't find a job? A Psych major. (Pls list your own response - if you're awake and in America at this time, you should have a pretty good one). Thanks."

"Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was... ...raped and sodomized."

"Why does history keep repeating itself ? Because we weren't listening the first time !"

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems."

"Paid a homeless guy $1 for this: What's a pirate's favorite letter? (They will always say ""arrrrrrhh."") Nope, P, it's like arrrrrrhh without a leg."

"Ambien: Remember the time we picked a fight with Gary's garden gnome, chugged a jar of mayonnaise & passed out naked in Arby's parking lot?"

"I was at the gym last night and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in... Now I'm banned from the gym"

"If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine."

"I drank my recommended amount of water today, yay! Okay, well there was some vodka mixed in every cup, but still."