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Joke of the Day

"I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon."

"When a coworker pisses me off, I like to write his name down for 23 boxes of girl scout cookies on the form in the break room"

"How many telemarketers does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but they have to do it during dinner."

"I have a dollar bill pressed between my chin and my chest.....who am i? Christopher Reeve at a strip club."

"How do you tell a boy chromosome from a girl chromosome? Check their jeans."

"Obama: joe can you please explain all the cheetos that are in the kitchen Biden: I didn't want Trump to feel- Obama: Joe, Biden: ...lonely"

"(Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.' And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'"

"There are rumours big Canadian banks Scotia and TD may merge... giving Canada one giant STD"

"2 for the price of 1 Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the idiot's house Knock Knock <Who's there?> It's the Chicken"

"Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts"