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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys hear about Joan Rivers? The mortuary got $32 at the recycling center for her body."

"To the raisin I just beat to death with my shoe.. Eww! I thought you were a spider. Eww! Someone's bringing raisins in my house."

"If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only took one nail to hang the picture of Jesus."

"No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket."

"What has 32 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper."

"My doctor told me I have type-a blood. Apparently it was a type-o!"

"Retailers have pulled all the Darth Vader toys from their shelves... Apparently they are a choking hazard."

"Why is Mickeys dog named Pluto? Because hes not a planet."

"What did the elephant say that was pulled out of a mud pit by the balls? Thank you Mrs. Ball, thank you Mr. Ball. It should be assumed I saw myself out."