192310

Joke of the Day

"Size does matter-just ask Pluto."

"Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?"

"Why did the sheriff arrest the tree? Because its leaves rustled."

"when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog"

"If you're the guard at a Samsung store ... Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?"

"*wakes up from a 10 year coma, pretends to be asleep for an extra 5 minutes*"

"Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier... if my wardrobe wasn't so fabulous!"

"You know as long as you keep babies well fed they're usually pretty good... But I like mine with a little BBQ sauce."

"It was a rainy day, she had just left him and was walking back home... ""Nobody will find him there"" She thought as she walked."

"[At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I'm not doing anything either."