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Joke of the Day

"My favorite deleted scene from Lord of the Rings is when Bilbo & Frodo discover they have a long lost hipster cousin called Douche Baggins."

"What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel."

"Whispered ""I love you"" to my 2 yo. He whispered ""I know"" back. And w/that, he put his hand down the front of his diaper, and became a pimp."

"How do you restore your body back to 'factory settings'? Is it kale? it's kale, isn't it? please don't say kale."

"teen son: 'cause the boyz n the hood are always hard /u come talkin that trash we'll pull your card mom: take out the trash & mow the yard."

"What's the difference between alcoholism and a lobotomy? I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."

"How do you play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, take two shots"

"/r/jokes wins Friend of the Planet award! for 95.002% of recylced content."

"Me [sneezes]: excuse me Guy at the bus stop: [starts crying] my ex used me too, man."

"Why Donald Trump doesn't ask money from people? Who can give a small donation of one million dollars?"