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Joke of the Day

"A wise man once said, a cheating wife is like a deck of playing cards... You need a heart to love her A diamond to marry her A club to smash her fucking head in And a spade to bury the bitch..."

"So they told me I couldn't live in the gym but I told them... Squatters' rights."

"So there were these two extremely saggy breasts.... one looked to the other and said ""If we don't get some support soon, they're gonna think we're both nuts!"""

"I kicked my wife off the bed when she was fast asleep to show her the man of her dreams couldn't save her."

"What's a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer."

"There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't."

"Not tryin to impress anyone BUT the priest did just say I had the ""body of Christ"" right before he fed me a cracker. Gym has been paying off"

"The only person I want to see do a Harlem Shake video is Michael J. Fox."

"There's a question in the exam that said, ""What is the past tense of 'think'?"" So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'."

"Anne Frank showed a cunning and resolve that any Jew would have been proud of. Two years rent free."