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Joke of the Day

"My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday."

"I got 99 problems and a bitch is one -JayZ"

"I could tell my parents truly loved me as a child. My bath toys were a toaster, radio and a blow dyer."

"I tried a new fragrance today. It's called Tester."

"My eyes have been bugging me recently, so I went to the doctor. He told me I have ocular herpes. Apparently I've been looking for love in all the wrong places."

"Did you hear about that guy who had his whole left side amputated? Yeah he's all right now"

"Waking up with morning wood is one thing, but waking with Elijah Wood is just creepy. I calmed down once I stared into his beautiful eyes."

"The Texas Rangers made it to the World Series? I didn't even know Chuck Norris had a baseball team."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and kept in the freezer."

"Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing."