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Joke of the Day

"A magic tractor went down a dirt road And turned into a field."

"I've given up on cooking. It always starts off well. Then it just turns to shit."

"I was really moved when I saw someone hosting a 5k for special Olympics athletes. Well, until I realized it was just another zombie pub crawl"

"You know who I hate the most? Indian givers. No wait, I take that back."

"Guy hears his grand kids are coming for the first time. He gets all the parts and gear, spent six hours child-proofing his home. They still got in."

"Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me. Too wise you are too wise you be I see you are too wise for me."

"My husband accidentally texted mewting instead of meeting. Now I can't stop picturing a bunch of kittens in a conference room."

"Why didn't the ghost go to the dance? He had no body to dance with"

"People are asking if capes are welcome at #ScienceMarch - yes - but please think of the aerodynamics if it happens to be windy!"

"What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? Some asshole has my pen!"