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Joke of the Day

"Yuck: I do not recommend Volkswagen's new Meat Lover's Jetta."

"Why are there no good jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? The punchline is too long."

"*I describe my lost cat to the cops* Sketch Artist: *draws my cat* Detective Dog: *adds WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE beneath the picture*"

"An Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew are sitting at a bar What a fine example of an integrated community."

"My dick was in the Guinness book of World Records Until I got kicked out of the library :("

"In the future I will replace my feet with chainsaws after accidentally cutting them off with my chainsaw hands."

"She said we needed to talk and... I said, ""Yeah, I think we should break up, too."" She said, ""About where to eat."" ""Oh,"" I said, ""Pizza?"""

"What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him."

"Me: How are you doing? Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward? Her: Yeah, a little... Me: I was talking to my mom! Mom: No, I'm fine."

"I don't tweet about my boss because I don't wanna be a suspect when he disappears."