191941

Joke of the Day

"My wife wanted to get a cat. I really didn't want one, so after a lot of discussions, we reached a compromise: we're getting a cat."

"What's the difference between an eight-ball of cocaine and a pre-pubescent boy? Eric Clapton wouldn't let an eight-ball of coke fall out a hotel window."

"2017 New Years Resolution First step: write down the resolu"

"What did the Canadian eel say when the bartender asked him if he'd had enough? No, I think I'd like some more-ay."

"Dentist: I'm going to take your tooth out Me: Ok then [later that evening] Dentist: Well this is nice My tooth: I'm having a lovely time"

"I tried to fix my shovel today, but I just couldn't handle it."

"Why should you know who is the bride at an Irish wedding? Because that's the one you're *not* allowed to punch in the face."

"*sees commercial* ""Talk to your kids about drugs before its too late"" ""Kiddo. Kitchen. Now"" - Yeah? ""This is oregano. Don't get ripped off"""

"I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display"

"Where does Max Planck go for a night out? To the h-bar"