191906

Joke of the Day

"When I was little, I didn't give a fuck about what to wear. My parents dressed me up. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it seems they didn't give a fuck either."

"Probably the most valuable life lesson I've learned from a movie is to not steal black girls' cheer routines."

"What do you call it when a DJ doesn't wear a period appropriate costume? Era Error"

"WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*"

"12 YEAR OLD: I wrote a movie script called Suicide Squad but it's bad *throws in trash* HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: *walks by trash* Hey what's this"

"My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man... so that I can get a better girlfriend."

"Girl, are you organized? Because I want to get on your ToDo list!"

"How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it."

"There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too."

"I don't go to the circus. Not because I'm scared of clowns, but because I'm scared of people who go to the circus."