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Joke of the Day
"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? ""See you next month"""
Next Joke
"[dog social media] Post: *picture of a cat falling out of a tree* caption - ""woof, woof, woof."" Dog reading: hahahahahaha. *retwoofs*"
"On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green."
"""What's your greatest strength?"" Shadow puppetry ""Seriously?"" [interviewer presses intercom button] ""Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"""
"My husband asks too many questions. ""Who is Steve?"" ""Why does he call all the time?"" ""What's this bill for a hotel room?"""
"The world seems like a beautiful place until you realize that there isn't one thing that hasn't been shoved up a butt."
"Did you hear the one about the gay cleptomaniac magician? He disappeared with a poof."
"What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands? ""I literally can't even."""
"The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby"
"How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town? A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado."