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Joke of the Day

"I named my cat ""Curiosity"". He killed himself ... Nine times."

"Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless"

"What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute? You only cry when you're cutting up one. Sorry if this is too 'dirty' a joke, just a change of pace I guess."

"Knock Knock *Knock Knock.* Who's there? *This bagel is for.* This bagel is for who? *Whom. This bagel is for whom.*"

"Twitter is like a soap opera for some of you. I'd like to be the one who sneaks into the hospital and unplugs your life support."

"What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? Decaffeinated"

"So two stags are walking home from a gay bar. One looks at the other and says ""I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks back there!"""

"If you rape a hooker/prostitute... is that actually shoplifting?"

"Who was the first man to masturbate in space? The first man in space!"

"There is nothing worse than watching the new guy at Subway make your sandwich."