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Joke of the Day
"Did you hear about the tick who followed U2 on tour? They say he was living life on The Edge."
Next Joke
"It's like these fools at the gym have never seen a girl with roller skates on the treadmill before."
"Friend: ""I'm breaking up with my boyfriend. He acts like a savage."" Me: ""Fred or Ben?"""
"Girl: My doctor says I can't have sex for two weeks...:-( Boy: What did your dentist say?"
"A baby's laugh is one of the most beautiful things a person can hear... ...unless it's 3 a.m., and you're home alone, and you don't have any kids."
"[my first cutaway on The Bachelorette] I can eat more roses than any of these guys"
"New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong... He can't enjoy watching the ball drop."
"Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later."
"My phone wanted to auto correct, ""mos def"" to ""most definitely."" I swear, my phone has absolutely zero swag."
"damn girl are you my old Gamecube? because for some reason i cant turn you on anymore but we used to have alot of fun"