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Joke of the Day

"Justin Biebers music saved my life I was in a coma after a bad car accident and the nurse decided to start playing some Justin bieber... I woke up and turned that shit off."

"Dead scatologists never die They just go through the motions."

"I could make way more Ayn Rand jokes here, but most of you would be too weak and altruistic to understand them. Let alone profit from them."

"Intellectual person on phone. Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"

"When Lionel Messi dies.. He should have his Argentinian team mates bury him so they can let him down one last time.."

"How many dothraki does it take to open a door? Idk, but they sure are hot."

"Josh tells his friend Steve, 'did you know 2 out of every 3 people live next to a paedophile?' Steve replies 'not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 years olds'"

"""Jesus loves you."" A nice gesture in church. A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison."

"Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one."

"If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll."