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Joke of the Day
"I can give out my number and I bet 8152898509 dollars my phone will still be dry."
Next Joke
"TIL there is a new type of morning-after pill, and it's for men! It changes blood type."
"[explaining twitter to my mom] Everyone is mad about something all the time and I'm a cartoon"
"As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. My engineering is perfect."
"Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment."
"Hey, Dyson vacuum guy. You invented a previously existing invention. Relax."
"How do you make a Gorilla stew? You keep it waiting for three hours!"
"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? it's a pretty obscure number.... i'm sure you haven't heard of it."
"Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own? Actor: Whose do you think they are?"
"Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent."