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Joke of the Day
"How do you get a bass player off of your porch? You pay for your pizza."
Next Joke
"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I soon realized that toucan play at that game."
"First thing heard on the news: ""You're gonna be wet by this time tomorrow morning"". Kinda looking forward to Tuesday now"
"Students of Chemistry Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says ""We don't serve noble gasses in here."" Helium doesn't react."
"I think I could make a pretty decent living as one of those people in infomercials who have immense difficulty performing everyday tasks."
"Girl are you a dinosaur? Cuz jurassic."
"When I know I've posted a great tweet, I walk away from my phone in slow motion like I'm Jason Statham walking from an explosion."
"A genie grant a man two wishes Genie: What is your first wish? Jeff: I want to be Rich Genie: Okey, what is your second wish? Rich: I want lots of money"
"Why are the mountains in Switzerland called ""the Alps""? Because when people fall off of 'em, they yell AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!"
"There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps."