191430

Joke of the Day

"So now i hear donald trump wants to put auto gun turrets on his wall I say, do the coastlines too. Keep out those merpeople!"

"""I didn't go to grad school to assemble agenda folios for the quarterly board meeting"" I think as I drizzle Dawn into the CEO's coffee pot."

"Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables"

"What's the difference between a baby and a pound of coke? Eric Clapton would never drop a pound of coke."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him. How do you catch a tame unique rabbit? Tame thing.... You unique up on him too."

"Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America."

"Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a hooker with diarrhea? You shuck the oyster between fits."

"*on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?"

"If you ever feel dumb, remember sometimes sloths grab their own arms thinking they are tree branches and fall to the ground."