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Joke of the Day

"I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected president Ba Dum Tss"

"Everyone romanticizes the past until they get horribly sick and wake up covered in leeches."

"Kid behind me on plane kicking my chair and coloring. *turns around* *grabs one of his crayons* *slowly breaks it* *whispers ""you're next""*"

"The only people who received awards for African American Achievement at my brother's 5th grade graduation were black. Fucking racism."

"How many Donald Trumps does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but he'll get the Mexicans to do it."

"I have the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the local zoo"

"What did the pilot say when his plane wasn't flying? ""Aw man, that's a drag."""

"What do you call a bra that tightens the more you try to take it off? A booby trap!"

"That really wasn't nice of Dorothy to say ""I'll miss you most of all"" to Scarecrow with Lion & Tin Man standing right there."

"Why do heavy drinkers usually live longer than light drinkers? Because you thought this was going to be a fat joke, that's why"