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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised the Pope didn't tweet from an Android, considering humanity and God's experience with apples."

"Husband: ""I have good news and bad news"" Wife: ""Tell me the bad news first."" Husband: ""The washing machine broke."" Wife: ""And the good news?"" Husband: ""The dogs are clean."""

"How do you make a hormone? It's easy they usually fake it anyway"

"I sometimes feel like the Angel on my shoulder is on vacation & the Devil invited his cousin over for a play date"

"right now mitt romney is trying to put an entire loaf of bread in his mouth"

"Roger Federer was doing an interview... ... when the interviewer asked him how he felt about his countries flag being displayed by so many of his fans in the arena he replied ""Well, it's a big plus"""

"Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then"

"I got sacked from my job at the Clock Factory. I just stood around making faces all day."

"I just overheard my kid muttering ""I'm sorry you had to see that"" to a stuffed toy. It's probably best not to ask what ""that"" was right?"

"Man: You've been very loyal but it's best we part ways Dog: I don't understand. What's the problem? Man: Your talking kinda freaks me out."