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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised the Pope didn't tweet from an Android, considering humanity and God's experience with apples."

"What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for air, and calling your name? You didn't hold down the pillow for long enough."

"You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. "

"I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision I only had regular vision"

"A man walks into a bar and tells a joke that has been posted on reddit before. I only know because no one would shut the fuck up about it."

"What do you call a pensioner at a murder trial? A juryatric."

"Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her? I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through"

"In pretty sure my wife's most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags."

"Santa is on honeymoon this Christmas."

"Which Nazi leader likes the Bulls the most? Joseph gobulls!"