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Joke of the Day

"Ex girfriends are like refugees As long as they are far away, you dont care about them, but once they come closer you feel like shit"

"[GOP Debate] MODERATOR: this question is for Senator Cruz. How will you handle zodiackillersayswhat? CRUZ: what? MODERATOR: I knew it!"

"What does a tornado and a woman have in common? It starts with a little blowing but at the end your house is gone"

"*on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?"

"Loses house keys. Builds new house."

"I've drawn a cartoon picture of Mohamed and signed it Kim Jong-un. Let's see where this goes."

"[At Mexican Restaurant] Me:asks for food to be spicy hot Waitress: how hot? Me: Waitress:my people hot or your people hot"

"recruiter: u should join the army octopus: buddy I'm army enough as it is"

"why are fish good astronauts? They love trouter space!"

"My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like."